Today we reveal some of the "secrets" of the Secret Service. Firstly, did you know that the day he was assassinated, President Lincoln approved the formation of the Secret Service? Talk about a day late and a dollar short.
Some precautions they routinely take: All food is prepared under the eye of Naval stewards who travel with them. When the President stays in a hotel, they have an elevator repairman on stand-by. If the Prez wants pizza, it is delivered to an address near the White House so no one knows who it's for. And if you ever write to threaten the President? Use a pencil. The Secret Service has many many thousands of inks in their data base and can track where your pen came from!
And now WE need some protection. Since we can't have our own protection staff, we need to sharpen our bidding. Ready?