Have you heard about the illegal immigration of ... millions of squirrels? Yes, it's true! This was first noticed back in 1968 when thousands and thousands of squirrels abandoned their homes in Northeastern woods and headed for nuttier pastures. This is periodically repeated when there's a bumper crop of nuts one year, and a short-fall the next. It's a terrible situation... roadkill, drownings, and an explosion of squirrel population in areas not prepared to accommodate them. If you want to know more, this was thoroughly studied by the Smithsonian's "Center for Short-Lived Phenomena." (I would never lie to you. This is all true.)

We're all for balancing out the squirrel population, making sure they are settled in areas with enough nuts for them. And that brings me to our subject for the day. No, not the nuts who play bridge, but BALANCING.

When both sides are competing for a Part Score, usually the points are sort of split evenly. The Law of Total Tricks comes into play and this is where my ridiculous simplification comes to bear. You can sort-of figure on being safe to compete to the level of one trick per trump in your combined hands. In other words, if you and Pard have nine trump between you, you can bid to the three level somewhat safely. Will you always make it? No. Will you usually get a good score? Yes.

Next, when an opening bid is Pass Pass to you (if you Pass, the auction is over) you are going to mentally add three points to your hand and act accordingly. This isn't new... we've talked about this before.

Now, one other outrageous thought: "We would rather drink bleach than allow the opponents to play IN A FIT at the two-level, especially when we also have a fit." You paid to play. This game is won by the audacious.

Is this all gospel? No. It is designed to give you some preliminary thoughts on balancing. Let's get to work and see what happens.